Sometimes I’m not very good at finishing…and sometimes I’m not very good at beginning, either. I get ideas and I let them brew in my head and never put them to action…or I get an idea and start the action and do not follow it to completion. I start something and then I become fearful or overwhelmed with what it might take to continue, and suddenly I’m already pulling away. So it has been with this blog. But–I want to sing a new song. I have stories to share, struggles to reveal, and truths to be heard. And right now, I have a new song to sing. A beautiful song of redemption in my life.
I am a married woman. I am a wife, a lover, a continual best friend to someone who has vowed never to get rid of me, and not only that, but vowed to continue to pursue me, refine me, encourage me, and wash me with the love and truth of Christ.
This is a new song to sing! And a tale of wonderful redemption and reconciliation in the hands of Christ. This man I now call husband–he’s the one I used to love to think I could hate. And in the end…the thing I hated most was the fact that I could not remove him from my heart no matter how crazy he made me. 10 Things I Hate About You, anyone? The words to that poem come to mind when I think of Todd & I’s story and journey: “I hate the way I don’t hate you…not even close…not even a little bit…not even at all.” I built up walls around my heart to protect me from feeling, to keep from getting too close, to block out some of the pain. The Lord has a funny way of breaking us down, right? The Lord started breaking down those walls of fear and teaching me about His way of protecting me with His love. He opened up the doors for Todd & I to journey together on this path of breaking down walls of fear and bitterness, and allowed us to re-start a relationship built on a firm foundation of Christ’s love and glory, focused on His plan for our lives. What a humbling walk it has been! It has not been easy to admit to myself all the ways I was guarding myself from really relying on Christ to fill me and bring me what I need most. I’m a bit of a control freak, and what an attack that can have on my trust in the Lord! All the self-built walls of protection and selfishness were actually hurting me–keeping me from experiencing all the Lord wanted to teach me and place in my life. It took someone as stubborn and persistent as Todd to be the pounding hammer to bust down some of those walls. We have walked through fire and been burned, but every leg of this journey has developed character traits that make us better lovers and better disciples. The Lord has used those scars to remind us of His higher ways, and to teach us what He can do if we allow Him in. He has used those broken, dark places to show us how he can turn them around into something beautiful and allow us to write an astounding story of renewal and rebirth–what He offers to each one of us. All the humility I’ve been learning, the sacrifices I make, the long paths I tread to experience the lessons he has for me–these are the things he willingly and lovingly chose to endure for me–a hundredfold. Seeing what it takes to love someone consistently and receive their love has opened my eyes to the true love and sacrifice of Christ. I am constantly humbled by what He has offered to me, by what I get the chance to partake of, by what I get the chance to extend to others. What a song! What a story!
As I’ve been thinking on this journey, and writing the words to this new song, I’ve realized that Todd is the man who has been revealing to me so much of the character of Christ. Sometimes the traits aren’t in the holiest of places, but they stem from the holy character of God, just waiting to be properly placed. His stubbornness is what pushes him to continue on the toughest of journeys–including his pursuit of Christ and ministry and now…me! He can keep his eyes set on what matters most to him and the beautiful goal at the end of all the mess–this is what assures me that His stubborn focus on Christ and His glory will guide us into the most beautiful places in life. His jealousy of my attention and desire has reminded me of the jealousy of Christ in the moments I pursue goals less worthy. It’s shown me how often I choose myself or some other idol to fill my life with rather than the Higher calling and mission of being Christ to the nations. Todd’s sacrifice and service has been the hands and feet of Christ in my life, and reminded me how much I need to rely on His strength in my life. It has opened my eyes to all the sacrifice and service of Christ that enables a righteousness in me and a love to be poured out of my soul because Christ made a sacrifice to replace my sin with his holiness. Todd’s gentleness has been the hands and comfort of Christ to my heart. He has shown me how tender a lover our Saviour is and given Him credit the whole way. Our preparation for this journey of marriage has taught us both what it takes to truly prepare our hearts for our bridegroom, Christ.
How much work we still have to do! So many more hikes and trails to explore…but what a journey it will be with Christ as our guide and centerpiece. What a majestic view we have along the way as we look back at the art He is creating and look forward to the music He will make with our lives. Praise the Lord for His new song in my life! Thank you for these songs of redemption.
Praying for the grace to begin well…and continue with a passion…
–songbird
songsofredemption 